RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) Sucks

Update: "Advice...."

I received a very thoughtful email response to a criticism I mentioned in my last post (regarding the suggestion that RAers "accept that you have RA.").

In the response, I was informed that the site was working to update their content, and that they had no intention of offending anyone living with RA.

I believe this. What's more, I think it's pretty amazing that a site and its creators can be so responsive to concerns that have been raised by people for whom the site has been designed.

As an RAer, I can only wish that others (family, friends, healthcare professionals) would be as responsive.

Advice: "Accept that you have RA...."

Okay, so we're back from Vegas, only slightly poorer. I love Vegas; I just wish it weren't so smoky.... Blech!

Anyway, I recently came across a website for RAers that offers tips, articles, etc. Though I found it to be an intriguing site, I came across one "tip" that simply raised my ire. The tip says, in part, "Take more time blah blah blah blah. Accept that you have RA and that you will have to make adjustments in your life."

Now, I am completely aware that in general, I am not someone who likes being told what to do. I suspect this has something to do with my birth order: I'm the oldest, I'm bossy, and I like making up my own mind. Thus, I already have this unfortunate personality trait with which to contend.

But... Someone telling me to simply "accept that I have RA"??? What kind of bullshit is that?

Being told to accept RA as if acceptance of a life-changing event is something that can be accomplished in the space of a second? Being told to accept RA as if acceptance isn't a grieving process, fraught with difficulty, despair, and backward and forward movement? Being told to accept RA as if acceptance isn't rendered even more painful by the difficulty of obtaining a diagnosis as well as the difficulty of determining a successful course of treatment? Being told to accept RA in a manner that's basically akin to receiving a patronizing pat on the head and a tut-tutted "there, there"?

It's just not realistic. It trivializes everything about RA: from the disease itself to its effects on our lives. And so I call "Foul!"

If you'd simply said "Try to accept that you have RA...." then it would have been better. If you'd said something that acknowledged that acceptance is a process, then it would have been better. If you'd tried -- really tried -- to put yourselves in our shoes, then it would have been better.

As it stands, though, please try to accept that my middle finger is being waved in your general direction.