Last Thursday, I played nine holes of golf. The next day, I played 15 holes of golf. And then the day after that, I slept for almost 16 hours.
Now, I realize that creating a situation in which you lose pretty much an entire day due to pain and fatigue may not be ideal for everyone, especially for those people who are employed or who have children. But I have to say, it works for me.
I realize that I may sound like a mad woman, seemingly hellbent on destroying myself. But that's not the case at all.
I mentioned last time that I had become more intentional in my way of living and being while simultaneously being less intentional about my RA. Part of my new way of being involves doing as Thoreau suggested: To "live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life...."
Granted, in order to do this, Thoreau more-or-less escaped from civilization and into nature.
However, I think that in order truly to follow Thoreau's example, most people with chronic pain and illness have to escape into the very messiness of life. To dare, to dream, to breathe deeply, to be bold, to push limits. To rest and refresh. And sometimes to go splat. And then to do it all over again.
I'm aiming for at least one day each week to be splatterday!