Yes, it has been a while. A very looong while. What can I say? I've been fatigued -- both physically and emotionally, have been in the grip of a significant flare, and have been trying to change medications. In short, lately, I've been a crazy woman.
Plus, my oldest cat, Patch, who has been with me for 17 years, is dying. So I've been depressed, too.
I'm also really tired of winter. Perhaps I have a touch of SADs?
In the face of these happenings, I've been loath to do much more than I need to. We're talking bare minimum here (and I do mean "bare," since the garb I wear these days tends to be little more than t-shirts and granny panties. I know: You could do without the visual, right?).
And I haven't had much to say, because I've been thinking too much. I tire myself out with my cognitive tendencies. You know how, sometimes, you think that if you hear or see one more word about RA or its effects, you're going to scream? Yeah. So that's been me lately.
I guess you could say I've been practicing avoidance. Not denial, but avoidance. And it's a very specific avoidance: the avoidance of RA-related stuff beyond my immediate experience. Sometimes, I just can't hack that stuff. And this makes me feel a little bad. Because I know that those of us in the blogosphere have been able to form a community of sorts, and that this community gives us support in ways that other people and venues can't.
But sometimes, I just want to hibernate. Because I've eaten all the salmon and berries that I could find (or, in my case, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups), and if I try to eat one more tiny berry, I'm going to throw everything all up over everybody's shoes. And we all know how much fun that is to clean up.
Not.
Anyway, I'm still here. I'm just waiting for some crocuses to pop up through the snow. Is that too much to ask? (Hmmm. This feels like an "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret" moment. Sigh.)
I completely get it. My blogging has slowed way down for much the same reason. It sounds like we are feeling exactly the same way.
Here's hoping spring comes soon!
Posted by: Remicade Dream | 03/02/2010 at 05:18 PM
For some reason, this winter has been especially hard for a lot of people. But the seasons are changing, whether it looks like it or not. We have daffodils sending up green spears through the duff and new leaves furled tightly like small candles on the laurel hedge. And, in case you hadn't noticed, it doesn't get dark until nearly 6 p.m. Just a couple of months ago it was closer to 4.
I think sometimes we need a little isolation and a break from whatever is hoarding our attention. As healthy and potentially helpful as it is to talk with others about your RA, it's also healthy to just leave it alone for a while. I think most of us who share this disease with you understand completely.
I hope you'll see your crocuses popping up through the snow very soon. Be gentle with yourself and take care.
Posted by: Wren | 03/02/2010 at 05:52 PM
I'm so right there with you right now. Blech. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Prednisone has me bloated beyond what I recognize and none of my pants fit. :(
Posted by: Amanda | 03/02/2010 at 05:59 PM
@RD: Well, it's supposed to get into the 40s this week, so maybe most of the snow will melt away????
@Wren: Yes, I'd noticed that it's light longer and I love that. But it's still a bit too cold to actually go out and enjoy that light. Soon, though. Soon.
@Amanda: Yeah, tell me about it: For the first time in my life, I have to order bathing suits from the Women's sizes in the Lands End catalog for our trip in April. Oooh. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Posted by: Kim H | 03/02/2010 at 07:13 PM
Kim,
I get it. Trust me. I just wanted to let you know I enjoy your writing and missed it!
And check your inbox.
- RA SB
Posted by: RA SB | 03/02/2010 at 08:02 PM
P.S.
I just realized that everyone in the comment section, including you Kim, make up my top fav. blogs. LOL. Hey guys!!!
-RA SB
Posted by: RA SB | 03/02/2010 at 08:04 PM