Advice: "Accept that you have RA...."

Okay, so we're back from Vegas, only slightly poorer. I love Vegas; I just wish it weren't so smoky.... Blech!

Anyway, I recently came across a website for RAers that offers tips, articles, etc. Though I found it to be an intriguing site, I came across one "tip" that simply raised my ire. The tip says, in part, "Take more time blah blah blah blah. Accept that you have RA and that you will have to make adjustments in your life."

Now, I am completely aware that in general, I am not someone who likes being told what to do. I suspect this has something to do with my birth order: I'm the oldest, I'm bossy, and I like making up my own mind. Thus, I already have this unfortunate personality trait with which to contend.

But... Someone telling me to simply "accept that I have RA"??? What kind of bullshit is that?

Being told to accept RA as if acceptance of a life-changing event is something that can be accomplished in the space of a second? Being told to accept RA as if acceptance isn't a grieving process, fraught with difficulty, despair, and backward and forward movement? Being told to accept RA as if acceptance isn't rendered even more painful by the difficulty of obtaining a diagnosis as well as the difficulty of determining a successful course of treatment? Being told to accept RA in a manner that's basically akin to receiving a patronizing pat on the head and a tut-tutted "there, there"?

It's just not realistic. It trivializes everything about RA: from the disease itself to its effects on our lives. And so I call "Foul!"

If you'd simply said "Try to accept that you have RA...." then it would have been better. If you'd said something that acknowledged that acceptance is a process, then it would have been better. If you'd tried -- really tried -- to put yourselves in our shoes, then it would have been better.

As it stands, though, please try to accept that my middle finger is being waved in your general direction.

Comments

[Angie (RA & Me)]

Love this post. And I love that you speak your mind. I know that I have to accept that I have RA. Duh! But seriously. It's not like I'm accepting a piece of gum from someone. It's only been a year for me and I'm still adjusting. It's ever-changing. I don't think that people understand that. I don't have a cold that will go away in a week. I can't take an antibiotic for it. It's NEVER going to go away! I may die from this. Or I may die from the drugs I'm on. Good fucking lord! What more do RAers have to do do or say to get it thru people's thick skulls? Damn it! Now you got me irritated. LOL!

[Amanda]

Ummm, can I get the link to this website so that I can stalk and harass them? I don't think it's fair to ask us to "accept RA" because, in my mind that implies that you give up hope. Does that make sense? I'm never going to accept it fully....in fact, I'm going as far to say that somedays I'm still in disbelief that I have it. And as long as I have that attitude, and the rest of us have that attitude, I'm going to keep pushing and giving money and praying for cures. That's so damn irritating.